Before I begin I just want to make it clear that I love who I’ am. I know who I’ am and I love what I stand for. I know what kind of guy I’ am and don’t want to change that. It’s because of who I’ am I’ve met some of the nicest and funniest people to be around. I’m not going to complain about my traits because there’s not a lot I can change about myself. With that being said, there is something about me that becomes increasingly annoying every time an incident occurs which is similar to the last. I know exactly what it is and as I said before there is nothing I can do to change it, I am what I am. I guess sometimes the trait just becomes over whelming and I feel hopeless.
I’m an easy going kind of guy. I’ve been told before that I’ am quite easy to get along with. To be honest that can be quite true. I don’t have any reason to hate anyone unless you show me a reason. I love to love. I can be quite shy at first but that’s only because I know if I act myself around new people you will consider me to be quite “bat sh*t crazy”. So I save that until I know I can be weird around you. I’ve been told I’ am quite funny, most of the time I don’t try to be. I love to laugh because it’s the sound of happiness. Yep that’s me in a nut shell. I haven’t got much to hide because I like to wear my heart on my sleeve, metaphorically of course. The problem lays when you open the nut shell and see what’s inside. Most of the time I put on a smile and act like nothing is wrong. I would make people laugh to hide my pain and only the closest people to me would know this is just an act. Sometimes people would ask “Are you OK?” and my answer would be “Yes I’m just tired”. Which is code for, no I just don’t want to talk about it. The reason why I say this is, I don’t want that person to carry my problem or feel like they have to help me out of it. Most of the time I like to handle my problems on my own.
This is where my curse plays in. Most people have strengths and weaknesses. I have a strength which is also my weakness. The strength is that I’ am able to make any girl feel listened to, make them laugh, feel appreciated, special, cared for and even loved. But I can’t get them to fall in love with me. As soon as I meet a women and they spend a little time with me, they realise what kind of guy I ‘am, and I automatically get labelled. I now become their friend that they can always talk to. This becomes so frustrating for a guy like me because that means dating is out of the question. I haven’t got the courage to lay my heart out on the line when I first meet a girl because I have been burnt so many times before. So I like to wait a little and get to know them, but I tend to always wait too long and by then it’s too late. It’s not like I wait months before I feel like we have a connection just long enough for a girl to realize I’m best guy friend material. This has happened again recently with a girl who I get along with well. However I know how it will end up and it doesn’t look good for me. It just feels like a never ending string of rejection, and another add to the friends list. I’m not complaining about the friends I have made they’re all awesome and wouldn’t trade in one of them. Just sometimes this gets unbelievably hopeless and lonely, and yes it gets to me. Maybe I’m just everyone’s friend.
This is my blessing. This is my curse. Yet, I still wouldn’t change who I ‘am.